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20 October 2005 @ 04:21 pm
DT: Review San  
The Fic: Sex God (Business!DT and Fangirl!DT: *wince*)
The Author: Hao - Chan
Rating: PG-13 (PoV: T)
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
In a Nut Shell: New kid in school, automatically becomes popular, falls in love with school geek, blah blah blah.
Stand-out Pairings: Riku/Sora (Fangirl!DT: It's the only good thing about this.)
Grammar/Spelling: 3/10 (Business!DT: PUNCTUATION, DAMN YOU, PUNCTUATION!)
Originality and Creativity 0/10 (Business!DT: *clenches jaw* See below.)
Plot and Characterization: 1/10 (Business!DT: It's the same bloody damned high school scenario prevalent in EVERY DAMNED FANDOM.) (Fangirl!DT: That is not Riku!)
Status: 1 chapter; possible discontinuation (Fangirl!DT and Business!DT: Thank you, Powers That Be); 3423 words.
Nota Bene: It made my CRY to see my lovely fandom butchered in such a way. I go now to commit seppuku after allowing myself to submit to such dishonorable writing.
Spoonage: Get out the melon scoops, and if you're a devout fan of the games, keep the Magical Ice Cream Scoop of Happiness and Doom and the Steam Shovel on standby. In my case, I think I need to start investing in both brain bleach and one of those gigantic excavators strip mines use.
 
 
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
 
Nefyrnefyr on October 20th, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)
She doesn't know how to use paragraph spacing properly.

The dialogue is unrealistic and awkward at best.

Mentioning aspects of anime (tomato blush, guys looking like chicks) is a no-no.

The commas (and other punctuation along with the enter key) weep for their underusage.

She messed her html up at the end.

There isn't any characterization at all. It seems like any one could have fit in the place of the two characters.

She needs punctuation and spell check. Badly.

...smiling life a Barbie Doll.

Her similies suck monkey butt.

...Because "birch" is such an OMG insulting word.

I dozed off twice while trying to read it, and I don't the reason entirely is me not getting enough sleep last night.

The reviewers think it's cute. I think the fic being replaced with a 404 page is cuter.
Nefyrnefyr on October 20th, 2005 09:02 pm (UTC)
The summary says it all.

There is a new kid in school wich all the girls just dying to be with! what happens if this boy falls inlove with the schools geek! (RXS) no flaming ppl i wornd u it's a yaoi fan fic, don't like it the go away!
DTdt_maxwell on October 20th, 2005 09:08 pm (UTC)
I know. I do believe I had a seizure trying to make sense of it.

And a 404 page would be cuter.
SilverDragonargentum_draco on October 20th, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC)
There is a new kid in school wich all the girls just dying to be with! what happens if this boy falls inlove with the schools geek! (RXS) no flaming ppl i wornd u it's a yaoi fan fic, don't like it the go away!

*shudders*The...grammar! So....horrible! ...Must! Gouge out eyes! With! Spork~! Aaaaahhh!!!!~! *cowers in ph34r*
SilverDragonargentum_draco on October 20th, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)
Mm. May I suggest a couple fics from The Pit of Voles? One that I recently 'finshed' (it's a WIP) is call Tread Softly (I'd use a link, but I can't not know how don't want to). It's HPSS, and also time travel (I know, time travel's bad, whatever). The other is....well, shite. I forgot the title. nefyr's read it too. Tell him it's the good HPTR fic. I know, sounds yucky, but it's actually very good.
SilverDragonargentum_draco on October 20th, 2005 11:03 pm (UTC)
Kiss or Kill
DT: Will Never Not Be Sexydt_maxwell on October 20th, 2005 11:37 pm (UTC)
*writes those fic names down for later* Sanku! ^_^
le preux chevalier: best of queen albumschrissy_sky on October 20th, 2005 10:46 pm (UTC)
>.< Poor Riku and Sora clones.
DT: Fifth Childdt_maxwell on October 20th, 2005 11:38 pm (UTC)
*sniffles* I know.
Property of Vicioussemchance on October 20th, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
E-hee-hee! You're counting in Chinese! ^_^ *purrs and offers to help attack the icky with the full force of the grammar kitty*
DT: Baby Eaterdt_maxwell on October 20th, 2005 11:37 pm (UTC)
Ooohhh, xiexie ni. *huggles and pets grammar kitty*